Never Fold... Never Fold...

Oh, the pain. The agony. One of the features I like about Everest Poker is the Statistics Bar in the upper right hand corner. It offers running commentary on any tournament you are in, statistics for your current table, and a recap of the previous hand.

It's the recap that can be oh, so, painful.

I had the 4 of diamonds and the 9 of clubs. There is no reason to stay in for that. I made the right move, except for the part where I would have made lots of money if I had stayed in. As a player I know that the best thing to do is to let the mucked cards go. But, sometimes...

... God Dammit!

Art: Statuary

Every once and a while, you run across a piece of art that begs the question, "What was the artist thinking?"

This is not one of those pieces.

The first question that comes to mind with this excellent time piece is, "Where do I put it?" Followed shortly thereafter by, "Where will she put it?" Followed by 15 minutes of alone time, which is what the artist was thinking in the first place. That takes care of all relevant thought processes.

The piece is a fascinating combination of pop culture references. The French Maid herself is an homage to the bawdy thoughts of a bygone era. However, her anime features bring to mind the modern Hentai pleasures popular among those too socially awkward to have sex themselves. The very dildo she carries mimics her proportion and shape, implying she has but one use. Blushingly innocent as she may appear, the ball gag and paddle she carries reveal her inner knowledge of her own purpose. She is Everywoman as every man wishes her to be: powerful, independent, ready to spank, and constantly interested in fulfilling our fantasies. The single disappointing feature, the clock itself. Added to provide a practical purpose the young lady scarcely needs, it is as unnecessary as lingerie on a cheerleader. Yes, as long as it's there we'll look, but we would have been just as satisfied with out it.

That Bastard Johnny and his Brother

The thing about Jacks is that they are bastards. Complete and utter bastards. When you are playing heads-up they're your friends, but with 5 to 9 other people at the table they are out to fuck you. And not in a good way. That's the truth.

The statistics put a pocket pair of Jacks right on the wire. There's a 57% chance the the flop is going to give you an over card. Worse then that there's a 76% chance the board will give you an over card. Basically, this makes Jacks the highest of the low pocket pairs. The natural reaction to recieving ppJJ is to play them fast. Push in early in hopes of kicking everyone else out fast. The problem is any hangers on are going to have an over card or two. At that point it's a coin flip. Say your prayers, make your peace with the dark lord, and hope the flop gives the Ace to the guy with Big Slick right after you catch the set.

There's tons of advice out there on how to play them. Play them fast. Play them slow. Be aggressive. Be careful. It's all the same, really, when cards come with as many sob stories as instruction manuals. Every poker player I've ever met has got a tale of two Johnnies. A friend swears that J-Birds are his nemesis, yet he'll raise pre-flop every time he sees them. He hates them, but the temptation is just too great to pass up.

But, then again, isn't life just like that.