And I'm Spent.

Ah, Luck, you fickle, fickle bitch. I catch a pocket pair of Queens and raise 3 times the blind. The guy to my left reraises all in and I call. He's holding a pair of Johnnies.

Of course the board is Ts 7h 9c 4s 8c.

I'm out in 724th place. Thus concludes the last time I play on Poker Stars. Thanks for coming out. I hope you like the buffet as much as I did.

And Boredom Sets In.

After an nice little initial run, I have now settled in to a world of terrible cards and the struggle with my inner need to play. After my first couple of wins I had an attack of "any two cards can win." Fortunately, I recovered before the blinds got above 30.

Now I'm bored. Bored of looking at pointless cards. Bored of watching others make stupid plays and feed the big stacks. Bored of watching the 93off I couldn't muck fast enough hit on the river. Just bored.

Hey I caught a pair of tens. No over card on the flop. No one calls.

Now I'm bored.

I know there is a way to keep plucking at the pots and pick up the occasional extra chip. I simply don't know how to do it in a tournament game. By the time I'm comfortable with the blind levels we've moved on and my stack keeps looking shorter and shorter. In theory there is no difference between a cash game and a tournament, but in practice I think there must be. Possibly, I should be reading different books. Who can tell?

No seriously, someone tell me.

First break, I'm sitting just below average, and the game that started with 2247 is at 1497.

And I'm bored.

Ride the Donkey.

I crazy little start. I'm on the button with Qc6c and there's a single limper. WTF, it's first hand, I'm in. That's the last bet until the river. The board is Ks Jd 8d 9d Ts. I bet the river. He calls. He had pp7.

Next hand I'm sitting on pp7. WTF, It's what the last guy I beat had; I'll call it. This time, though, there's a raiser. The flop is crap, in fact the entire board is crap, and this guy is pushing a little, but not like he's got an overpair. He's pushing like he's got AKoff or AQs so I call the whole way and my little ass pair takes it.

I can live with the criticism.

Well, this is the point...

I'm playing in the Poker Stars 2nd Annual World Blogger Championship of Online Poker today. I expect to finish quickly, I'm in no mood to play poker today. I figured I'd blog it. That's the point, isn't it? However, I'm feeling mixed about the whole experience. General weirdness. Also, my poker playing has been bad the last 2 weeks or so. I think the short term is -EV, except maybe it's supposed to be in italics (-EV).

So, here goes...

Continued Staff Infection: Fuck The World

So, is ESPN taking the soul out of poker? Are all these .com sites cheapening one of America's legacies? Because come on, when you think of America, you think of the Wild West: Bill Hickok, Daniel Boone, the Outlaw Josey Wales... Does complete access to one of America's better shady past times ruin it or change it or make it stronger?

To me it parallels the motorcycle culture perfectly. You are an outlaw by choice; FTW. Your own rules, your own reasons, etc. You find other people that enjoy the same things you do, but that doesn't mean they think like you or act like you. You enter into it as your own man and you live or die by it as your own man.

No after school special cheesy-ness intended... But that's the truth.

Now you have every Tom, Dick and Jackass riding bikes. Do they understand it? Mostly no. Do they make it better for the 1%? Unfortunately yes. Not that we needed shit from anybody anyway, but not being stopped by the cops or shot by strangers is a definite bonus. You feel special, because fuck all... you are special.

Then the white bread folks creep in... Does there marginally shared experience cheapen yours?

Fuck no.

You know what you are, you know who you are, you know what it means, and you know what you can get out of it. I think the same applies for poker. 100%. A lot of folks can sneak in, bet a little money and brag to their buddies. But I don't think they make any real difference in the game. As with everything that you have to make a conscience decision to do... you have to make sacrifices for... the ones that sacrifice come out ahead, and the ones that half ass will always come up short.

Today's practice equals tomorrow's victory.

So, to sum up, quit bitching about that bad beat some random punk gave you, and figure out why you bit in the first place. He's a tourist and you mother fucking live here.

my first poker post FTW

I'm hoping to add FTW as an advice columnist to That Fat Bastard. He'll answer the questions the, deep down inside, each of wants the answer to, like "Why am I here?", "What the hell is your problem?", and "Are you looking to get cut?" He hasn't answered my invitation yet, but I've got my fingers crossed.

Things To Do: Freeroll

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 6470397

In an unpleasant twist to the story, PokerStars rejected my intended nickname. That's right, apparently 'ThtFtBstrd' might offend the delicate sensibilities of the likes of The Fossilman, Moneymaker, and Mr. Wheaton. Sadly, I was forced to come up with a new nickname on the fly. Oddly enough, I was too offended, myself, to just shorten it to TFB as I normally would. I chose 'Ihnipswtf', which stands for 'I had no idea poker stars was this fascist' as anyone can plainly see.

That name seems to be fine.